May 7, 2010

mommy files

well, sunday will be my first 'offical' mothers day. and i say official in quotes because techincally, i was a mother last May but only to my unborn kullen. Now that he is IN the world, i truly know what it feels like to be a mother. Soooo - what's it feel like to be a mother? well ... unexplainable for the most part. to have something so small become your ENTIRE world in the first minute you see him, to think you can't love him anymore than you possibly do in that first minute and then to find out you were WAYYYYY wrong, to miss him the second you leave him, to constantly want to brag about the stupidest little things he does, to want to do ANYTHING just to see his little smile, to have his little arms reach for me when he is upset, to be sitting here ... writing this with tears streaming down my face ... haha. its hard to put everything in words.

everyone says the same thing about their kids - 'he/she is the best, most perfect, cutest kid on earth' - and best believe, each one of them mean and believe it! i am no exception! i look at kullen and see perfection. obviously, sometimes his face is dirty and covered with boogers ... but he is still the most beautiful things i've ever seen. and no, not just because he looks like me ;) HAHA!
anyone that has seen kullen states that he is identical to adam ;) me and him joke about this because neither of us think he looks ANYTHING like adam. maybe everyone else has blurred vision ... but we don't see kullen as a mirror reflection of either of us. he just looks like kullen to us. of course, he does have traits of mine and some of his fathers - but for the most part ... he is perfection and lets face it, neither adam nor myself are that!

so, anyway ... this mothers day will be a special one since its my first :) and what do i plan on doing? hm... we haven't decided on anything. i told adam that i didn't really want a gift .. because i have my gift already :) all i want to do is spend the day with my boys so that is the plan. we talked of going to NYC but i forgot about kullen's mygym on saturday mornings so i decided i'd rather take him for an hour of playtime versus a day in NYC - talk about 'motherhood'! haha! but regardless of what we do, even if its just stay at home ... it wil be 'the best mothers day' yet ;)

and to my mom - i love you <3 i never knew what a compliment it was to be called 'mom' and for all those years that i took it lightly, i apologize. i hope you know that you are not only my mom, but my best friend and i am lucky to have you. i know i wasn't the easiest kid to deal with but i hope you think it was all worth it :) happy mothers dad mom ... from one mother to another, i appreciate EVERYTHING you have done and continue to do!

maybe one day you will read this - maybe not. but momma wants to tell you that i have never, and i mean NEVER loved something so much until you came into my life. each day, i love you more and more ... and i don't know how this love can continue to grow but it does. when you look at me and smile - my heart seriously melts. my favorite though is when you give me kisses - but not daddy! (although, its okay to share once in a while, i won't be mad) i love on weekends when you wake up in such a great mood. it transfers to me and daddy and although we're dead tired and it's probably only 7am - we're still smiling. you are the best son a girl could ask for and i am truly lucky to have such an amazing/perfect/cutest baby boy <3 i can't wait to see the things that are instore for your future ... but until then, i will hang on to every ounch of baby-ness and cherish every stupid, little thing you do :) i really don't ever want you to grow up ... i think about it sometimes as i'm smothering your face with kisses. in a year or two, you won't let me do that anymore :( it makes me sad but then i think about the things you WILL be doing and it brings a smile to my face. i can't wait to look outside and see you and daddy playing and then have you run in the house and give me a hug and ask for something to eat!(obviously a vision of the future that i have .. hehe)
i love you ham <3 thanks for being my little mancub who is constantly into everything yet laughing and smiling the entire time so i can't even be mad! ;)



Clarissa's Cottage Arts said...

Kaley that was beautiful. You are indeed the best mom and I'm so proud of you. Kullen will know one day how blessed he is to have you for a mom. I feel the same way about my kids, and they're old. They are still my babies. I posted this on my facebook.

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. When you were born, I saw your face and knew I was in love. Before you were an hour old, I knew I would die for you. To this day, I will.

icepicked said...

have to say you totally amaze me...... to see and hear you express yourself makes me stick my chest out one minute and wipe the tear from my eye the next. I have to say you are one of the best mom in the world love you and hope you have a great Mothers Day