a letter to kullen

dear kullen,

i really don't know where to begin with this. i wish i would have started these sooner. i want you to have a piece of me when i'm no longer with you - and where better to have that piece, on the good ole internet.
i want you to know how loved you are.

although you share my heart with your siblings, you will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart. you were the first one to make me the mother that i am. i learned a lot with you and continue to do so as you grow. i know that i'm not always perfect, but because of you i am able to better myself.

i have heard all throughout my lifetime that the first child is like a practice child. you're able to make mistakes to learn for the next one - so i want to thank you, for letting me make so many mistakes. despite all of my mistakes, you are still perfect in my eyes.

don't get me wrong - you have your moments, especially as of late but i wouldn't change you for the world. i want you to know that. YOU ARE PERFECT TO ME. 

i love your morning breath.
i love the way you wake up and immediately search for your brothers (even if it is from next to me in my bed)
i love the way you smile.
i love how you say goodbye to rhys when you go to school.
i love the way you make us go in order for our 'favorite parts' routine at dinner.
i love your helping nature. 
i love how you yawn a couple times before actually falling asleep.
i love how active you are, even if it annoys me from time to time.
i love how you love to learn.
i love how you write; even if it's huge.
i love the way you love all my friends.
i love the way you love - everyone.
i love how you share your last quarter with rhys.
i love the way you think of others before yourself - sometimes.
i even love your wild/stubborn personality. 

i think you are me, reincarnated in a boy child. ;)
not that i actually remember my entire childhood but hearing stories from my parents - i believe that you are exactly the way that i was - and i love you just a little more for that.

i am so proud of the big FOUR year old that you are. 
i hope to write these letters to you often so you know how much you are loved because i know that i don't always show it. 
you are mama's boy through and through. 

you took on the role of big brother x2 in just two short years and although you're constantly fighting for attention - i hope you know that i love you just as much as your brothers, if not more - because you were my first. you made me - don't ever forget it.

thank you - for allowing me to make so many mistakes and still loving me despite my flaws.