December 13, 2011

i choose them

i'm almost mad at myself for contemplating so hard over the 'big decision'. as if i'd ever chose a JOB, one that i honestly don't even LIKE, over my children. i guess it was never about the job though, it was about the money. which, will definitely be missed but i always said that i'd rather be 'broke and happy' versus 'doing okay and miserable'.  not to mention that the love of money is the root of all evil! 

so, with that being said - my decision is to ultimately be with my kids. i have talked with multiple people about it and although some encouraged me to stay at my job and make it work with another daycare provider - i disagree and i choose them. [my kids, duh!]
this is the ONLY time that i have with them as children. once they are grown, i cannot get this time back. i can always find another job. 

i'm hoping to have 'the' talk with my boss today. there are a few options that i plan on asking him about which might slightly change my plans. 
i'm currently working part time - only because i chose to break up my maternity leave instead of taking it all at once. i am going to ask him if i can remain a part time employee. if that is an option for me, i might consider taking that route. our mortgage would still be paid [haha!] and daycare would be affordable. that would be somewhat ideal.
another option that i want to ask him about is a leave of absence. 3-6 months or so of time where they would not fill my job and if at any time i wanted to come back, i could. basically, a fail safe. if we absolutely could not cut it on one income, my job would be waiting for me. 
i honestly don't think either of those are even going to be an option for me. who am i to be given special treatment, right? i don't believe i'm that valuable of an employee in their eyes. but we shall see.
if he declines either of those options today - i plan on asking him if i can continue working until march 1st. that is when my FMLA/Maternity Leave runs out and i would have to go back to work full time. i will find someone to watch the boys for 2 months while i continue to work part time. if all else fails - i found a daycare center that will accept them both for those three days a week that is somewhat affordable. we'd make do for two months, basically and then i would become a full time SAHM. 

when talking about it, i can't believe it's real. 
there have been times where i have said to adam .. "when i quit ... " and it just sounds so weird. 
this wasn't an easy decision for us and probably won't be an easy road ahead - but i love my kids too much to chose a job that i hate coming too everyday over them. it might be different if i loved what i do but i'm a desk worker. i can ALWAYS get another desk job in a few years. and if not, we will figure something out. 

thanks to those who gave me advice and sent prayers my way. i'm pretty at peace with my decision which is why i think it is the RIGHT one. i think all those convictions [gut-wrenching] that i was feeling was God leading me down this path and now that it's been decided and i have peace - i KNOW i'm following the right one. 

stay tuned - i'm sure i'll have a blog to post about how the talk went with my boss! eeks!


The Best of Both Worlds said...

I am happy for you! Although I was one of those that told you to continue working ha. But I know how you feel and I know that you and your babies will enjoy the extra time together! It is very true babies are only little for so long and once its gone its gone. I hope it all works out the way it is supposed to, All things happen for a reason!

rene said...

i love you and i think that is a great decision. you're right, you can never get those precious childhood years back. i think this is a respectable decision and i wish you all the luck in the world. love ya <3