life around the poag house has been somewhat boring lately. that is, until sunday night. i don't exactly know how to lead into this so i'm just going to start with how it went. yesterday afternoon, kullen and i went to my friends tastefully simple party. that morning, he felt warm so we gave him some tylenol and didn't really think much more of it. well at the party, i noticed he felt a little warm and was just wanting me to hold him versus playing like his normal self. so after i placed my order, i decided to head home. on the way home, kullen had fallen asleep - not something i was surprised by. when we got home, he woke up a little bit - enough for me to give him a dose of tylenol since he had felt warm. after that, i gave him to adam. adam was holding him and kullen was cuddled into his chest. i ran upstairs to change and when i came back down, i sat on the couch. it wasn't but 2 minutes or so had passed and i glanced at kullen, in my husbands arms, and noticed something wasn't right. i asked adam if he was okay and as adam pulled him, i knew something was wrong. my son was having a seizure. i'm not exactly sure how to describe the next 5 minutes other than extreme panic. although it's mostly a blur, these images burn in my head. adam was on his feet, repeating 'are you okay, KULLEN, are you okay??' i was frantic looking for the phone to call 911. finally i found it and dialed. two rings and the lady answered and i managed to choke out 'i need an ambulance!' i'm not exactly sure how our conversation went aside from me in complete panic and her repeating 'ma'am, i need you to calm down' [yeah, SO easy for you to say] the entire time i was on the phone with her - maybe 2-3 minutes, kullen was seizing. adam had him on the floor and was giving him chest compressions. [yes, i know ... not what he needed but we didn't know that at the time] finally, i pushed adam's hands away and managed to tell the woman on the phone that he was exhaling but not inhaling and that i was fairly confident he was seizing. she told us to lay him on his side and support his head. i remember at one point, we had him on his back and his eyes were opening but rolling back in his head. his face was purple and the whites of his eyes were as well. i remember screaming 'he is purple, he's not breathing' to the woman. finally, i heard sirens. i ran outside twice but they weren't there yet - the third time, i saw the firetruck. i screamed 'they're here' on the phone and the woman told me to talk to them and everything was okay and hung up. i KNOW she was happy to get me off the phone. by the time the paramedics got there, he was finished seizing but was still laying on his side, gasping for air and foaming/drooling.
it's so hard to explain this in words. i thought my son was dying and can't describe the things that were going through my head. although my husband was trying to be calm, he was just as frantic as i was. the panic in his voice is something i will never forget. even though we both knew it was a seizure, we didn't know if he would come out of it or what. we new he wasn't getting air and i know we both thought for a second that we were losing our baby. i can't describe that feeling but i hope none of you EVER have to go through that feeling. i also know that some of you HAVE and you know what i mean and i'm sorry. i'm sorry that you had to go through it and watch your son/daughter and know there is nothing you can do. know that you are completely powerless.
the paramedics were in the house for about a minute before caring my limp child out. every single one of my neighbors were outside at this point [firetruck, ambulance and four police cars - i would have been outside too] i felt all their sympathetic eyes on me and i hurried behind the man carrying my boy. adam was running behind me and asked where they were taking him, i told him i didn't know and just to get in the car and follow and i jumped in the ambulance. they let me sit beside him and hold his hand while they stuck those round thingys [lack of better word, sorry] on his legs and chest and monitored him. by now, he was awake but not aware of what was happening. he was twitching and drooling still but looking around. he wasn't crying but more of a moaning sound. they pricked his foot to check his blood sugar and he didn't cry at all. i was asking the paramedic about brain damage and he reassured me that kullen would be just fine. by the time we got to the hospital, he was responding to my voice. the amazing paramedic carried him into the hospital and once we were in a room, placed him in my arms. as i adjusted him, he said 'mommy' and then barked. those of you who know kullen, know this is a GOOD sign. he barks at EVERYTHING! i was relieved that my baby was okay. as we waited for adam, i sat there, holding him and sobbed my eyes out. the nurses came in and checked him temp and gave him another dose of fever reducer. finally, adam got back to our room. kullen was almost asleep but woke up to give his daddy a kiss. neither of us could fight our tears any longer and kullen couldn't fight the sleep. i held him in my arms as he slept the entire time we waited. after the doctor came in and talked with us about febrile seizures she informed us they were going to have to take blood. not long after, the nurse came in and got a huge vile of blood. that woke him up but shortly after, he was back asleep. the doctor came in and said his blood work came back good except his monocytes were a little high so he was definitely fighting an infection. because it came on so suddenly, as did the fever, that is what caused him to seize. we left the ER thinking our son had mono, although i wasn't totally convinced since he didn't show many signs. in the car, he was smiling and giving his signature 'stink' face and adam and i were both relieved.
once we were home, we got him to eat some mac and cheese and chicken and he was playing a little bit on the floor with his trucks. we went upstairs to change and lay down and within 10 minutes he was fast asleep. i was able to sleep as well but definitely not soundly. around 1am, i noticed he was very warm again so we woke him up for a dose of motrin. i spent the next hour just watching him, making sure he was sleeping/breathing.
monday morning, he was practically back to normal. he was a little lethargic and wanting to lay with me but he was at least eating/drinking/playing/talking.
we got him to his pediatrician at 1:30 and after peeking in his ears, which he did AMAZING for [very unlike him] she discovered that he had an ear infection. she said the fever was most likely from the ear infection and prescribed him some antibiotics and gave him a lollipop for being such an amazing boy!
once home, a few of our neighbors were outside and asking us how he was. i always knew we had nice neighbors, but this incident really showed how much people can care without hardly knowing you. the night it happened, we had a note from one of them saying they weren't sure what happened but we were in their thoughts and if we needed anything to give them a call. we got a call from another neighbor later that night saying the same thing. it's amazing how a few words from practically strangers can touch so much.
i can't describe the relief i feel knowing there is nothing seriously wrong with him. i am still totally on edge and can't let him out of my sight nor can i get those images of him seizing out of my brain but seeing him smile and hearing him call 'mommy' almost makes me forget about it all.
it's now tuesday and the kid is totally back to himself. mama, however, is not. both the ER doc and his pediatrician told us that the likelihood of him having another seizure is slim to none but it's still something i fear. every shake/jerk, i'm sent into panic mode thinking it's happening again. unfortunately, i can't get those images out of my head. as if i wasn't already paranoid about leaving him, it's gotten 100 times worse. he hasn't been out of my sight at all since it happened and i know having to leave him tomorrow for work is going to be hard. actually, hard isn't even the word.
but, bottom line is that my baby is alright. we went through something traumatic here in the poag house but we overcame it and have grown stronger. we may have turned into softies, saying yes to everything and spoiling him even more than before but it's alright, we're his parents and we're allowed. he is our son and he is the most precious thing in this world to us and just in case we needed a reminder of that, we got one. never take a single moment for granted, spoil your babies, love hard and forgive quick - and all that other cliche stuff! ;]
i'll leave you with a picture of my little valentine, sleeping. which he has done LOTS of since.