September 14, 2010

giving up comparison

i have fallen slightly behind on my Inner Mean Girl Cleanse posts BUT this doesn't mean that i am not following them in my every day life. week two challege was 'giving up comparison' and i feel this one hits home for me. i have been QUEEN of comparing. i know it's not right but i often find myself wishing i had what the next person has, not knowing [or caring] what that person had to go through to get it. there have been times in my life where i have gotten so wrapped up in wanting to 'keep up with the jones' that i have totally taken the thinsg i did have for granted.

the challenge for week two was -
For the next 7 days, your mission is to refrain from comparison and pick up the self-loving habits of inspiration, appreciation, and gratitude.

this one wasn't too hard for me, actually. since i've had kullen, i haven't been caught up in wanting what the next person has. aside from one minor detail (which may come in a blog post later on) i am totally, 100% happy and content with my life right now. i have a great husband, great son, great family and friends not to mention that basically everything i want and need, i am able to get. but of course, i am human and comparing my good to other peoples bad or vice versa has and will continue to happen. the comparion aversion that the Inner Mean Girl has provide are these:

1. INSPIRATION: Allow the person you are comparing yourself with to lift you up instead. Use what your Comparison Queen attacks you with as a source of inspiration to shift or take an action in your life. For example, love your co-workers taste in clothes vs. feel bad about your choice today, and tomorrow spice it up. Love the book she's written, event she's produced or idea she's had and take an action that inspires you to be your best.
2. APPRECIATION. Appreciate the other person, and appreciate yourself. Take the thing you are comparing and tell that person, or yourself, that you appreciate them for it. Meet a woman who's accomplished something you've always wanted? Tell her how great you think her accomplishment is. Notice that another mother's child is really good at something, appreciate that mother and child for it, and then find something to appreciate about yourself and your child.
3. GRATITUDE. Be grateful for what you have right now. Notice someone has something you don't - bigger house, better relationship, or some other moniker of success and happiness? Broaden your scope of success and get grateful for the success you do have. What is overflowing in your life? Health. Love. Career. Home. Garden. Friends. Find that one thing you feel really wealthy in and be grateful for it.

the challenge also talks aboout the 2 types of comparison complexes there are. they refer to 'her' as the comparison queen and how she makes you feel!
Inferiority Complex, comparing your worst to everyone's best. Making you feel small, inadequate and like you're a failure.
Superiority Complex, giving you the illusion that you're better than everyone else. Making you feel alone, distant, and cut off from compassion and humanity.

challenge questions -

When does your comparison queen show up the most?
it shows up when i see something or someone bragging about their life when i know they don't work or really deserve it. i see people bragging about what they've got or the trips their going to take and all the while i know they don't have a mortgage payment or they get help raising their kid and me and my family work our tails off everyday and aren't able to do the luxury things in life like some are.

Does she show up more as an inferiority complex or superiority complex?
definetely the inferiority. [see above]

What does your Inner Wisdom know about comparison?
i know that it's wrong. just because someone has more on the outside doesn't mean they are happy. i know that i shouldn't worry about what other people have and instead focus on the things that i DO have and that make me happy.

... i also want to give a shout out to my friend kathy from bwak bwak blog. she is a great friend to me and always talks me out of being guilty of comparing. if ever i complain to her about what someone else has she is there to remind me of what i do have and tell me not to focus on them but instead focus on kullen or adam :) thank you love♥


Unknown said...

awww this is a great post! I have to say, I'm guilty of this as well. For the same reasons. OH, and I'm pretty sure our "one minor detail" is the same thing :/

Ruth said...

Love it! I can definitely use a reminder now & then. What a lovely blog you have here. I'm visiting from Welcome Wednesday. Congrats on the spotlight, I'm now following!

Kathy said...

I love this inner mean girl challenge! I am glad I can help. You are always there for me as well.. which is daily, haha! =D

Megan said...

Over from Wordless Wednesday. I may need to start this cleanse. I'm finding that my inner mean girl is showing her face a little too often these days!